Oddities & Jam

And then there were None

2008-08-09T12:51:00.003-04:00

I'm usually talking to a guy or two over the internet at any given time.

Not any more.

I met one of the men I'd been talking to on the Florida trip, and to be honest, while things didn't work out there, it really was for the best.

The only other men I talk to, are either friends or involved with someone locally.

That's okay with me. I've got the surgeries going on, and I really do need some time to get fixed up before I think about traveling again.

Besides, there's at least one man I used to know that met me during the "high stress" time of the past year, and I royally fucked things up with him. It's been months now, since I last talked to him and I still miss him.

I really don't want to fuck up like that again.

Recovery

2008-08-07T08:55:00.002-04:00

I have a matching one on my right thigh. I have others, but they're not... pretty enough to share with all of you yet.

This is where the doc harvested the skin for the skin grafts, btw. The bandage is there because I've been leaking lymphatic fluid from that leg ever since. The right leg just keeps it all inside, and the doc sucks it out with a syringe.

I'm Back

2008-08-06T19:39:00.003-04:00

Sort of. Just stopped in to say I'm still around.

This summer has turned out to be something of a surprise, so far. Had a couple men I was getting to know better, but they didn't work out. Now I find I'm a free agent, once again.

And I plan to keep it that way for a while. Just coast for a bit and enjoy the sun.

I might even stop by here more often, and drop a line.

:-)

2008-07-26T17:25:00.003-04:00

Whoever would have thought that I'd get so much traffic on this site, simply because of the panty pictures?

God I love men.

I'm still around

2008-07-15T10:37:00.003-04:00

I'm drawing a big, fat blank.

The sun is shining, the air is redolent with the scent of newly mown grass, and a cold beer is calling me by the poolside.

So basically, I'm just saying hi to all of you, and letting you know I didn't drop off the face of the planet.

Off now. Can't say when I'll drop by again. You all should get outside and enjoy the weather too. If you've got half decent weather wherever you are.

Changes...

2008-06-21T12:21:00.003-04:00

I look into my closet, my heart feeling squeezed in the confines of my chest, as I flip through dress after dress that's become too tight for me.

I'm trying to pack for a trip, where I'll be meeting a man for the first time, and I'm at a disadvantage.

Because of the surgeries, the down time, the time I've not been allowed to exercise, it's not just the body that needs healed... I've gained weight.

All my vulnerabilities have come into play. Parts of me that make me a woman, are dead and gone. The one thing I had going for me, my attractive shape, is gone now too.

I'll get the shape back, but not before this meeting.

And I'm at a loss. I've lost a certain confidence that has been a part of who I am for all these years.

Like a house of cards, this leads to a cascade of falling emotions.

I turn back to the closet, and I know the only thing I can do is buy new clothes. Larger clothes.

I feel the tears gather at the corners of my eyes, and I want to hide. Withdraw from society until everything about me is returned to rights.

But what if it never is? What if I never regain what I had before? I can't hide from that forever.

So I turn my back to my closet, pick up a pad of paper, and start to jot down the items I'll need. Just for two weeks, I tell myself, just enough stuff to get me through the meeting.

There is nothing else I can do. There's no hiding from who I am. What I've become.

Not for a day, an hour, a minute.

Clothes I can buy. The rest of the items I need, the personality and character that define who I am...

Those will be harder to acquire.

Regrouped

2008-06-14T14:23:00.002-04:00

I've done something here on the blog and in my emails lately that I've never done much of in my real life. I've let people see that things can get me down.

I thought, at the time, it might be liberating. Or that I might find some emotional support by letting these dark inner thoughts escape out into the light.

It didn't have that effect though. I'm not sure what effect it did have, but it didn't make me feel any better by sharing. It made me feel uncomfortable.

Guess I'm just happier when I get all the extraneous emotions tucked out of sight before I talk to others. I really am, for the most part, an optimist. But some days it takes a little longer for me to come to terms with "the bad".

But come to terms with it, I do. Every time.

Just like now. My physical situation hasn't improved. In fact, I had a bit of a set-back this afternoon, but emotionally, I'm on top of the game again.

To those of you that I hit up when I was feeling down; Thank you for standing by me.

I owe you all drinks!

Burnout

2008-06-12T20:23:00.002-04:00

At the end of 2007 I never felt better. I was relatively whole, healthy, active and hornier than any three women combined. And I reveled in that sexual energy.

The following months though, have taken one thing after another from me. Draining me of my energy, and my enthusiasm.

As I sit here and write this now, I just want to say "fuck it all", hole up in my house and shut the rest of the world out.

I feel used up, dried out.

I feel oddly hurt by the fact that while I raced headlong to meet someone, they met someone else. I don't resent the fact that they found love, even if only temporarily, but that my hands were tied. My feet bound to this place by circumstance.

And still things go downhill in my life. Another operation tomorrow, another effort to fix what went wrong the first time around. More pain, more painkillers. More of my life slipping through my fingers.

The scars are piling up. The body I was so very proud of has changed shape, is less appealing. My brain is often too fogged in drugs for me to follow my own thoughts. And I'm so very tired.

Tired of watching as another friend falls in love, and falls out of my life.

You won't catch me saying this, ever...

2008-06-08T22:10:00.003-04:00

Just a quickie.

Some days I wish I were with someone special. Someone to share my life with, share my days with. Not feel so very alone because of.

Other days I'm not sure I could adjust, after all these years, to living with another human being.

Deep inside though, I know the real answer.

I don't want to be alone.

I am an Idiot

2008-05-31T20:00:00.002-04:00

Not that that's any news to most of you. But this time was really uncalled for.

I'm talking to you, S. I know, no matter what happens in our lives, you and I will always be friends.

I apologize for spouting off in the last post. It was just my self defense kicking in. I've had some... less than successful relationships over the internet and I've been trying to meet them head on, instead of getting blindsided, like I usually do.

I know better, where you're concerned.

Drinks are on me...

Am I Getting the Right Message?

2008-05-26T18:37:00.002-04:00

A couple days ago I found out that something huge had happened to a friend of mine.

At least, I thought we were friends.

Only thing is, he never said a word to me about his troubles, and when I emailed him to make sure he was alright, his response was rather... "form letter" in feeling.

Then I read his latest blog entries, and I'm not sure if I've been slapped in the head, or receiving a message he's not able to deliver in any other way, at this time.

See, on his blog, he states that "friends and family all know the details" of what's going on in his life.

I don't know.

Therefore, I must not be a friend.

It saddens me, because I'd really thought, "Here's one man that I'll know for the rest of my life". Not so much in a romatic way, though I do lust after him, but because I connected with him so well.

Guess I was wrong.

Summer is Near...

2008-05-24T17:36:00.002-04:00

At least I hope to GOD it is. We're still in the 60's here, but I have faith, that one day soon, it will WARM THE FUCK UP.

That said, you can tell I've already started my summer schedule, by the fact that I'm hardly ever posting. That's going to keep up until I'm forced indoors again for more than a few hours a day.

What have I been up to, you ask? Everything and nothing.

Things are progressing nicely with one of my men, and I've decided to focus on him, for the time being. I'll be meeting him, in fact, in July.

Yeah, I know that's a long time away, but with everything that's going on in my life right now, it's the first opportunity I have to get away.

I'm looking forward to it.

Mega-Headache

2008-05-15T06:41:00.004-04:00

I've been awake most of the night with a headache that won't allow itself to be medicated into submission.

I've heard, more than once, and from more than one source, that orgasms cure headaches.

Anyone want to volunteer to help me find out?

Evenings Blow

2008-05-11T22:22:00.002-04:00

I've think that evenings are longer than usual.

My doctor has restricted all my activities for the time being.

And it's making me insane.

This is the first time in several years I've not been allowed to do, well, anything.

I just hope the time passes before either I go mad, or I drive everyone I know around me crazy.

Dogs or Cats

2008-05-07T08:51:00.002-04:00

Most people are either "dog" people, or "cat" people. And for some, odd reason, these two groups don't seem to like each other. At least in my experience.

Funny thing is, I consider myself a "dog" person. I think dogs are easier to understand than cats. Simple creatures that love you no matter what, and look at you with big, soft, trusting eyes.

Cats are virtually self-sufficient, and think your primary purpose on this planet is to serve them. Well, maybe not quite that bad, but they sure can pull that impression off.

Now I've had both dogs and cats as pets over the years, so I don't know what that says about me.

And I know it doesn't matter so much, when it comes to my men, if they're a dog, or a cat man. Because it's the fact they can love either a dog or a cat. Consider that animal to be part of their family. It's how they treat their pets that speaks of what kind of person they are.

So what am I saying here? Is it important for me to find a "dog" man? I don't think the deciding factor will be if the man is a "dog" or a "cat" man, but rather, if he is neither.

Nothing, Really...

2008-05-02T07:25:00.002-04:00

Sorry guys, I've been tied up in the real world.

Not literally, though.

Not yet anyway. ;-)

Summer is never going to get here. I swear, each year, this cold, gray, shit-crappy weather lingers forever. Tortures us by throwing an almost nice day or two in, before turning shit-crappy again.

Within the last couple of weeks, my two neighbors to the north both chopped up their above ground pools in disgust.

I heat mine, so I get much more use out of it, but even I don't want to lie around, wet, in the mid 70's, with a stiff breeze blowing.

Yeah, my idea of perfection is 82 degree weather (or warmer) and a 90 degree pool (the pool is a guess). I do like cooling off in the water, then letting a nice hot sun warm me as it dries my flesh.

I'm going to stop here. I just realized I wasn't saying anything interesting anyway, and I've got an appointment in an hour. I'll make an effort to drop in more often though.

Even if I don't have anything to say. ;-)

Panties

2008-04-20T17:16:00.012-04:00

I need to pick up some new panties, and I thought you guys might like to help me decide what style to get.

1. Bikini

2. Thongs/G-strings

3. Boy shorts

4. Brazilian/Tanga

5. Something else...

Okay

2008-04-18T14:10:00.002-04:00

Today is the first day... off the stupid fucking medication.

I feel less apathetic already, though I'm told it will take a couple weeks for the stuff to get out of my system.

That said, I won't be around much next week, but I will be back.

It's the Weekend, so what...

2008-04-17T23:45:00.002-04:00

The first part of my problem is this drug I'm taking that's supposed to help me quit smoking. One of the side effects is depression, and while it makes me sad, I don't think it makes me clinically depressed. It also makes me incredibly apathetic.

The rest of my problem rather caught me by surprise. There's a guy I've been getting to know over the internet, and I find myself in a rather odd position. One I never expected to find myself in, to be honest.

See, I've always dated casually, for the most part. I'm accustomed to going out with more than one man at a time. So what's my problem? I want to get to know this guy better. I mean, I really want to get to know him better. I'm still stuck here in OH, so I know it's going to be a while before I can do that.

So I find myself facing a weekend with no social plans. Don't really want to get to know anyone locally. Just want my obligations to be over and done with so I can get on with my life.

Winter Sucks

2008-04-17T08:02:00.003-04:00

I've hit that point I hit every winter. The weather has been crappy too long for me, and every day I wake up to another frost, or high temperatures that still require me to wear a coat, I just want to go back to bed.

And sleep until Summer.

I feel as grey inside as it is outside. I lose the ambition to do pretty much anything.

Then one day, the weather will suddenly warm up and the sun will come out (and it won't be ridiculously windy), and everything's alright in my world once again.

Logically, I know better, but realistically, that's how it goes.

Fat no more???

2008-04-12T16:50:00.003-04:00

My doc was telling me today about a new laser he's getting on Monday. It's something they've been using in Europe, for years, but only recently here. (Any surprise there?)

This laser does two things. The first thing it does, is expedite healing, and reduce pain (by 50-60%) in medical procedures. That alone says to me this laser is worth it. The second thing it does, is liquify body fat. European studies show that just by using this laser on the areas of the body that tend to harbor fat, and NOT suction it out, a person can lose 2 inches. Combined with liposuction, it's much more effective.

Doc is going to do some testing on his own, but he's already said, if the thing works half as well as the claims, he's going to search out some partners, quit doing all the other stuff he does, and just open clinics around the area.

Got some excess fat you'd pay to liquify?

Of Mice and Dogs

2008-04-11T08:58:00.003-04:00

My dog is afraid of his own shadow. He's a 55lb. chicken. Runs from frogs. But somehow, loves to catch mice.

I was sitting at the desk in the family room, working on the computer, and he came trotting into the room and plopped down on the other side of the sectional from me, so I couldn't see him.

Next thing I know, my roommate says "Give me that mouse".

Yeah, that got my attention.

So roomie takes the mouse, and goes outside with it. The dog followed.

A few minutes later, the dog comes in with another mouse, and this series of events is repeated.

After the fourth time, I ask the roommate if he's just pitching the mouse back into the yard, and the dog is catching the same one over and over again? He assures me that he's pitching their corpses over the fence, so each mouse is a new one.

The dog knows, by now, if we catch him with a mouse, we'll take it away. So the next time the dog comes inside, he's trying to act ... casual. I ask him if he's got a mouse (which he quickly drops before he looks at me). Gives me a very innocent "see no mouse" expression, doesn't look at the thing he just dropped, walks a couple steps more, then lays down where he can keep an eye on the non-existent critter.

Fortunately, the mouse was unable to run off on its own. It was also a good thing that this was the last of the mice.

Now that I think about it, it's the last mouse he ever brought into the house...

Nother Couple Questions...

2008-04-08T16:05:00.004-04:00

The sun has been out two days in a row and I'm LOVING IT!!!

Okay, on to the questions:

I'm planning a trip around the world, just as soon as I'm free to leave, to have a drink with some of you. Meet you, in real life. What I'd like to know, is it alright for me to stay at a guy's place when I haven't met him yet? Even if I'm not interested in anything more than having a drink with him?

I really would like to hear your thoughts on this.

Work

2008-04-06T12:10:00.003-04:00

One thing about working for yourself, you never really do get a day off. It's always there in your mind that you could be doing more, getting more accomplished.

At least, for me it is.

I should really set some kind of schedule for myself. Except I get ideas at any time of the day or night, and I have to write them down before I forget them. Or the characters just aren't talking to me during "normal" work hours, but clamor for attention later on in the evening.

Or I find I have too many other things on my mind and I can't focus on the writing at all.

Definitely need to change something...

It Begins...

2008-04-05T13:41:00.004-04:00

I wake up in the morning, brain dulled from sleep, rousing me out of bed when it occurs to me that I might have heard from him.

I see his name in my email, and my body reacts. Turns on. I long for his touch, yet know it's going to be a while before I'll feel it. Doesn't matter, feel it I will, and by that time, it will be all the more intense for the delay.

Throughout the day I'll stop by the computer as we keep up an unhurried conversation that never really ends from one day to the next. And every bit of information he reveals to me, makes me want him more.

More, in fact, than I've ever wanted any man.

These are the cues I look for, when I start to get to know someone over the internet. The cues that tell me it's worth the time and effort to get to know the man better.

It doesn't happen as often as you'd think. But when it does...

It's Friday ... Enjoy

2008-04-04T17:15:00.005-04:00

What am I doing?

2008-04-04T10:16:00.004-04:00

Today is one of those days were I question what I'm doing. Both in general, and in specific.

I try to analyze my motivation behind my actions.

Why? Because I'm feeling unsettled, and that always means I'm not doing something right. Or not doing something I should be.

I don't like feeling this way, so I have to identify what it is I'm doing wrong, or not doing, and fix it.

If I can.

So that's why...

2008-04-03T10:39:00.004-04:00

I had a minor epiphany today. It occurred to me that I spent my entire previous career forming relationships with people I never met. Never even knew their names. It didn't seem odd, at the time. Never even thought about it. We all had our assigned operating initials, and we used those exclusively in our communications.

But more than that, we were making life and death decisions literally hundreds of times a day. And, over the course of working with these nameless, faceless people, I learned what level of trust each deserved. But trust them, I did.

I became attached to many. Had a great deal of fun over the lines with them. Went through good times, and bad. Find I miss them now that I no longer work there.

These men I have never met.

My epihany was over the fact that I find I'm forming attachments to people over the internet now. That I look differently at these online relationships than most everyone else seems to do. That I take offense at those that don't see me as "real" because they've never met me in-the-flesh.

And now I know why.

Life, or something like it...

2008-04-02T14:52:00.002-04:00

A friend of mine asked me the other day why I'm not out there all the time on the dating scene. I gave him an answer, which was true enough, but not the whole story.

Basically, I became fed up with the dating scene around here, so I took to meeting guys over the internet. That, in and of itself, is loaded with a whole new set of complications.

Geography being the major one, time running a close second. Oh, I had things set to meet a couple of them a while ago, but events in my life, or theirs, delayed/cancelled the plans.

Right now, I'm literally stuck here with meetings, court dates, doctor appointments and tasks. I'm running out of patience, and I don't see freedom in sight.

To top that off, I'm in serious need of sex.

And someone else suggested I needed to get a life. Ha, I've got one that I'd be willing to trade right now. Anyone lounging on the beach, having a cold one? I'll be happy to trade with you...

I'm Feeling Better Now

2008-03-31T23:16:00.004-04:00

Yikes. I see not a one of you will touch that last post.

Okay by me.

Once I got the mad out, I felt better anyway. Besides, I'm too freakin' busy to dwell on things that really aren't that big of a deal.

And I do know that not all of you are just after a fuck.

But some of you are, and I think that's a good thing too...

This is me MAD

2008-03-30T15:06:00.004-04:00

What is it with you guys?

You all talk a good story, but I've had it up to my fucking eyeballs. Stop, just stop leading me to believe any of you are interested in me for more than a fuck, okay?

How many of you have I gotten to know through email and chat? How many times have I lost a part of my heart, only to find out that you're just after me for sex?

Let me make something clear to each and every one of you right now; IT'S OKAY WITH ME, if it's just about sex.

Yes, I'm looking for more, but I won't pass up a good offer until I find what I'm looking for. Just be straight about it from the start, okay?????

Is there such a thing...

2008-03-29T17:09:00.002-04:00

As too much sex???

One complication I keep running into with men, is my overly active libido.

I spend the majority of every day either writing about sex, thinking about it, talking about it, or having it. (Not so much the having it these days).

Experience has taught me that I want sex more than many of the men I've ever been with.

It's been a problem. It's ended relationships.

Worse, the older I get, the hornier I get.

Am I doomed to burn out any man I try to form a relationship with? Or have I just been with the wrong men, so far?

Living on Autopilot

2008-03-28T10:38:00.005-04:00

I never think about tying my shoes. I just do it.

Today I found that to be a totally odd thing. I tied the left shoe, without thought, then I went to tie the right one, and I stopped, reversed the laces, then realized I had to reverse the way I tied the bow too.

So then I got to wondering how many other things in my life did I do that were completely automatic?

Getting dressed, I suppose. Except for choosing the outfit, the fundamentals are all the same. Eating is along these same lines, too. At least the foodstuffs I eat daily.

I used to drive to and from work on autopilot. Half the time I had to be somewhere after work, I'd find myself on my way home, and have to turn around to go there. (No, I'm not mentally challenged, just programmed. ie I don't want to go to the dentist, I'd rather go home...)

This may be one of the reasons I find sex so intriguing. It's never the same, there are no "learned" responses. Each time I find myself in intimate contact with a man it's a whole new experience. I not only want to pay attention, but I have to.

And that really does make a world of difference.

Look, but Don't Touch

2008-03-27T14:36:00.003-04:00

I dress for men.

It's all fairly simple, really. I know what most men like, and I wear it. My philosophy these days; look like a slut, but only be a slut for the man I'm involved with.

Or look like an angel, and be a total slut for the man I'm involved with.

So what do you guys think, is this a sound philosophy?

Definitions

2008-03-26T19:57:00.004-04:00

What kind of man are you?

Years ago I went over to the little local video store to pick up some porn for the evening's entertainment. They kept the stuff in a little room, off to one side, hidden behind a curtain.

I was standing there, looking through the various tapes, wondering what the hell I should get, when a man walked in.

Okay. I found it a bit awkward because I didn't really want to get picked up in the porn section, you know? But there he was, surreptitiously looking at me while he pulled videos randomly off the shelves.

My concentration, totally shot, I glanced at him, then away. "You wouldn't have any recommendations, would you?"

"Your boyfriend a breast man?" He asked, checking out mine.

"Uh, no. He's a leg and ass man." Which he was, but the guy had to check these areas out on me too.

In the tiny porn room.

I don't even remember what videos I ended up with. I just took whatever the guy handed me, thanked him, and left. Brain firmly located in my crotch.

So, I'll ask you again, what kind of man are you?

Nothing Else Like It

2008-03-25T16:40:00.002-04:00

The pale blue-white light of the morning sun eases the shadows in the room. Shapes begin to appear, dark patterns against a gray background.

One such shadow rises over me. Heat, the warmth of flesh against flesh, the wetness of a tongue as it traces my collarbone, up the side of my neck. Then lips pressed against mine as his weight settles over me.

I raise my legs on either side of his body, as I lose myself in his kiss. Feel the pressure of his entry, the pleasure of nerves already sensitized from the night before.

I arch into him, roll my hips in counterpoint to his, and the dance begins.

My world narrows down to the two of us. The way his skin feels, the heat of his body, the rasp of his breath. The fire he's building inside my core.

Then my inner muscles tighten, coil. The head of his cock rubs across my g-spot, again and again, bringing me higher, closer to ecstasy.

He increases his speed, his thrusts become eratic and I know he's close.

But so am I.

With a few final frantic strokes I shoot over the edge in a blast of painful pleasure. As my pussy clenches his cock in the rhythm of my release, I feel him tense. Then the throb of his cock as he spews his seed inside of me.

Tell me there's anything better than morning sex.

The World really is my playground

2008-03-24T19:15:00.004-04:00

Five months ago, when I was still working at the day job, I seriously started thinking about where I'd like to move once I was at liberty to relocate. For quite a while I'd settled on an area near Atlanta, Georgia because my brother and his family lived there.

Not any more. Let's just say that my brother and I don't always see things the same way.

Another consideration has cropped up as well. Something I hadn't really thought about before, because I wasn't looking for anything before. But now that I'm interested in finding someone to share my life with, I've thought a lot about the "where".

And the answer is an easy one for me. I work for myself, I can work anywhere I can get internet access, I have no ties to my current geographical location and I've the time and the means to travel anywhere in the world.

There's something very liberating about having that kind of freedom. And it sure takes the hassle out of long distance relationships.

What about you? Would you consider becoming involved with a woman that lived in a different state than you? A different country?

What's a little pain?

2008-03-23T16:57:00.000-04:00

Okay, just so you all don't think I'm nuts, I've been with my gynecologist FOREVER. We've been through some pretty tough times together and I trust him.

So, a couple months ago I started getting laser hair removal done by him. He'd just gotten this new laser tool to use on the face (for micropeels, among other things). He was all happy with his new toy, and asked if I wanted to give it a try. Hey, I trusted him, so I said "Sure".

Oh my fucking god. It's one of the most painful things I've ever been through. He had to run downstairs to the Subway and get ice, then filled latex gloves with the stuff to make icebags for my face. Evidently I'm that one-in-a-million person that is hyper sensitive to this kind of thing.

But once the pain went away (about a week), and my face quit peeling off (about a month), I liked what it had done for my skin.

So yeah, since there's supposed to be three treatments altogether, I'm going to let him have another go at my face Saturday. Plus, he's promised me vicodin this time.

Date Update

2008-03-22T21:20:00.002-04:00

The date:
First part of it went great. He picked me up at 1:30 and took me over to the little local airport. Then he took me flying in a Piper Cub for the next two hours.

After we got back, he took me to his house, where he cooked me dinner.

That's when I found out he doesn't drink alcoholic beverages. Not a biggie to me, but he didn't have any in his house at all, so I didn't get to drink any either.

Outside of that, I had a good time. Though I turned him down for church in the morning. Guess that's why he said he'd call me, instead of setting up the next date already.

This is SPRING???

2008-03-22T11:14:00.003-04:00

This is the view out my office window as it's going on 11am. It was more impressive looking last night, but I was too lazy to take a picture. Now it should start melting away. If not today, then tomorrow.

That orange fence is up there because the visiting dogs don't know that big round thing to the right is a swimming pool. They keep going out on the ice, only the ice has started to melt. They may not be my favorite animals, but hey, I can't even kill Cory Catfish when they overpopulate my tanks.

(Note to T: Sorry, but rotisserie doggie ain't gonna happen).

Gotta run. Got things to do today.

Another Question

2008-03-21T10:35:00.002-04:00

I've been trying to figure something out here.

I've met a few men over the internet. Some I've come to know well enough that we've talked about meeting in person.

I'm told (by my "big brother") that the man should come to the woman, otherwise the woman is sending the wrong message. If she goes to where he lives, then somehow it's just about sex.

I don't get it. For a lot of reasons. First, I've been dying to travel for years and now I have the time to do so. Second, just because I go to him, doesn't automatically mean I'm going to fuck him. Third, I live in a tiny rural village that doesn't offer anything in the way of entertainment, and to get to that entertainment it's a 45 minute drive.

So what do you all think? When the two of you meet for the first time, should he go to her, or does it matter if she goes to him?

Random Thought

2008-03-20T23:12:00.003-04:00

I'm horny. Not that there's anything new about that, I'm pretty much horny all the time. It's getting more so, the older I get.

And I LOVE it.

How the Day's Going

2008-03-20T16:38:00.004-04:00

The lunch date.
Was a success. Things are moving along nicely. I'll be seeing him again on Saturday.

After I got home.
I had to break up a fight between the two visiting dogs. The little one got me pretty good on the arm, but that had to wait until I'd had a little chat with them about this type of behavior. I don't know why the little one is so fucking mean, but I'll be damned if she keeps acting that way in my house.

It's Spring!

2008-03-20T09:29:00.003-04:00

Things are white outside this morning, but it's not snowing and it's going to get warm enough today to melt most of what we got last night. So Spring is officially here.

Now if the weather would warm up a few ... dozen degrees, I'd be a happy camper.

God Damn, it's Snowing Again

2008-03-19T18:00:00.005-04:00

Four inches and rising.

Outside of that, I have date number 2 coming up tomorrow with the orthodontist. I've got mixed feelings about it. Oh, the man is attractive, in good shape and health, has a decent job, and can hold a conversation, but I don't really have the time to pursue another relationship right now.

Or maybe I'm making excuses, cause there's someone else I'm starting to like and I don't want to muddy the water.

I could always solve the problem by fucking the man...

To Date, or not to Date?

2008-03-17T20:07:00.003-04:00

I know I said I wasn't going to hook up with anyone local since I have so much fucking work to get done, but I met this incredible guy in the parking lot at the diner, and we ended up eating lunch together.

I'm having lunch again with him on Thursday.

Yeah, I'm still kicking myself in the ass for taking the time out, but damn, I'm feeling the need. And no, the subject of sex did not come up.

But I'm asking myself right now, should I really be dating this guy?

Do I, or Don't I?

2008-03-15T12:28:00.003-04:00

I know I've said that I'm looking for a man to spend the rest of my life with. I've also said that I'd consider an affair. I am, it seems, still on the fence about the whole situation.

The driving factor behind the relationship urge I attribute to the last man I was serious about. He showed me just how freaking good sex was between two people that loved each other. It changed my life.

Months have passed now, since that relationship ended. At first I was adament about being emotionally involved with my future lovers. Unfortunately, events in my life have curtailed my activities for so long, that my unrelenting sex drive has me rethinking this plan of action.

I need sex. I'm about insane with the need.

I see a new problem now. How am I going to keep my hands off the first man I go out with that I'm attracted to? How am I not going to fuck up what could be "the relationsip" when I'll be ready to combust during the entire date?

And no, mastubation does not take the fucking edge off. I need a man, I want a man, and I'll be damned if I don't get a man.

You see the problem? I'd appreciate any suggestions you might have on how NOT to fuck things up.

10 Years: Plus or Minus

2008-03-14T20:16:00.003-04:00

Why I decided to date men closer to my own age.

A few months ago I accepted an invitation to lunch from a man that was over a decade younger. Hey, he was good looking, and I figured he'd have a lot of stamina in the sack. I wasn't looking for a relationship with him, so these things weighed heavily in his favor.

I should have just taken him to bed, but my ideals have been changing, and I didn't feel right just jumping him without taking the time to get to know him a little.

Huge mistake.

He talked about things that were foreign to me, musice I didn't care for, and people he worked with that I didn't know. He'd refer to them by name, just like I had any idea who he was talking about.

By the time the check came I was ready to bolt.

Needless to say, I never went out with him again.

The moral of the story? I've found I have a better shot getting along with, and understanding men who are no more than ten years older or younger than me.

Physical Vs. Verbal

2008-03-14T09:21:00.002-04:00

I like it when a man talks dirty to me. When he tells me what he wants to do to me. In detail.

I got to thinking about it the other day, if it's a "must" on my list, and realized that the answer was a big "HELL NO!" Not all men are comfortable expressing themselves this way. They are, however, comfortable with the physical.

Not that talkers aren't good with the physical aspects too, but some men, and yes I said some, learn to express their love, their lust and their desire with their body just as effectively, or even more so, than the ones that express these things with words.

And while words are powerful tools in the love-sex arena, they're of little value if they're not backed up by action.

New Avatar

2008-03-13T23:10:00.000-04:00

Calling a close to the vote. It wasn't a unanimous one, but this picture was by far the favorite:

Thanks for the help guys.

Now what do you all think of the new header?

Question

2008-03-13T17:40:00.000-04:00

(This is a Sticky Note: See new posts below)

Last day to Vote!!!
I'm thinking my avatar looks kind of ... intense. I've been thinking of changing it to this:

Or this:

Or I'll just stay with the one I've got.

I'll go with what you all decide. (feel free to email your choice).

Men's Hands

2008-03-12T21:19:00.001-04:00

The first thing I usually notice about a man are his eyes. There's something infinitely attractive about a man that looks you straight in the eyes when he talks to you.

The next thing that catches my attention are his hands.

While not the first on my list, these hold so much more promise. These hands of his will caress, tease, grip. They'll play my body to arousal, then bring me all the way to ecstasy. They'll stroke me, comfort me, hold me.

His arms are next, extensions of his hands, their strength will shelter me. They'll hold me up when my knees go weak. They'll pin me in place when he conquers me. Then they'll cradle me as I fall asleep.

Don't think I'll overlook the other parts as well, but the three things I've mentioned here are the start of it all.

Background

2008-03-12T21:00:00.001-04:00

I've been emailed this question enough that I'll just tell all of you here on the blog.

I have a BA in English, which I turned into a career ... after working several years in a high stress, high paying, government job.

I now work for myself, and I couldn't be happier. And as long as I have internet access I can work anywhere in the world...

High Heels

2008-03-11T22:00:00.000-04:00

I'm actually very fond of high heels. I like how, when I wear them, they accentuate my curves, and add a subtle sway to my walk.

I feel more feminine in them, sexier. And I draw more male attention.

That's really what it's all about now, isn't it?

Sure You Saw a Bear

2008-03-11T11:27:00.001-04:00

When I was five years old a friend of mine and I were playing in my back yard when we heard garbage cans being knocked over. We ran over to the alley to see what was making all the noise. There was a black bear rooting around in the trash from the can he'd just toppled.

We figured we should tell our parents about the bear, so JW went to find his, and I went to find mine.

When my dad came out to look, the bear was gone. Dad asked me if I was sure it was a bear and not a dog. I was positive it was a bear.

From that day forward every time I said anything my parents thought was "made up" or "exaggerated" they'd say, "Sure, just like the bear in the alley."

When I was sixteen I'd had enough. We'd moved from that town, but we were back there visiting, so I called JW. I hadn't seen him in eleven years. Hadn't talked to him. The first thing I asked him when he arrived was "Did we or did we not see a bear in the alley?"

His reply? "Of course we did, one had escaped from that little zoo."

See, I knew I'd seen a bear in the alley. Funny thing is, when he'd told his parents they'd believed him.

I wonder at the differences in me from all those years of being discounted, of having my word taken as nothing more than a vivid imagination. I wonder if I'd have grown up differently if my parents had also believed me?

Just Bitchin'

2008-03-10T15:15:00.003-04:00

Oh good, it's raining. But don't you fear, it's going to get really cold tonight so all that rain and melted snow can freeze nice and solid on the roadways. I'm not positive, but I don't think my village even uses salt.

But that's okay, I'm 50 miles away right now cursing my idiot of a brother. He really is a total and complete moron. I'm about through fixing everything he fucked up while he was in town. And yeah, I'm in a really bad mood because of it. I'd be three days ahead of the work right now, but for him. So glad he came to help out.

Actually, he only came to get what he could get before I caught him at it.

Enough of that. I'm treating myself to dinner at the Outback tonight because of all this. Just seems the right thing to do, and it's lifted my spirits already.

Another Sleepless Night

2008-03-10T03:51:00.002-04:00

Yeah, I have a lot of these. This one isn't my normal though. I pulled the hamstring in my left leg 3 or so weeks ago. Did all the things I was supposed to do, stayed off it and all, until it felt right again.

I was anxious to get back on the treadmill, but I started out slow. Made sure I stretched well before getting on the machine. Cut my time of use down to almost nothing.

After two days of this, just two fucking days, my leg hurts like a bitch again and has swollen up to an unnatural size.

I'm pissed off, tired, and in pain.

I've got it iced and elevated right now, and just as soon as the painkiller kicks in, I'm heading back to bed.

The End Result

2008-03-09T10:03:00.004-04:00

Crappy picture, shot throught the screen from the second floor, but I'm not dressed yet and I am so not going to go out back to get a better one.

You can see my lawn furniture (I didn't even realize I left it out and yeah, I'm kicking myself in the ass for it now), so you can get an idea how deep the snow really is.

What you should be seeing is a lower deck, stairs, upper deck, and above ground pool to the right of that. The shed is 8' x 10'. The snow is deeper than the dogs are tall.

Good thing, it looks like it's done snowing. Once the plowboys are done with Sunday brunch, they should get around to clearing the road.

Update

2008-03-08T20:30:00.000-05:00

I took this around 6pm. Classified a blizzard because the winds picked up.

Outside My Door

2008-03-08T10:58:00.006-05:00

Doesn't look all that bad, for those of you from the snowy states, does it? Probably wouldn't be either if:
1) We had decent plowing and salting vehicles, 2) There wasn't a 2 inch layer of ice under all the snow, and 3) It would stop snowing.

The snow is forcasted to continue through tomorrow sometime.

I've heard of the miracle of liquid snow melt that's being used in some states now. I live in Ohio. That should be explaination enough.

So, I won't be venturing out for the next couple of days. Especially since a friend of mine called me as she was driving to the grocery store in her Yukon to tell me not to come that way. She kept saying things like "I almost got a little car up my ass", and "Why's that guy going in circles in the intersection?"

Snowed In

2008-03-07T20:15:00.003-05:00

The little village I live in doesn't have the best equipment to keep the roads cleared when a major snowstorm comes blowing through (mechanical, or human). Hell, I've lived here for 16 years and my house has flooded five times because they can't keep their storm sewers up-to-date.

We've got a hefty winter storm dumping snow on us right now. I four-wheeled it over to the drugstore earlier, but I won't be going out again until late Saturday, or even Sunday. Not because I don't like driving in this shit, which I don't, but because the local boys that plow our streets (with their pickup trucks) either have dates tonight (and plow their way to them) or they're home drinking beer waiting for the weather to get better.

Good thing our volunteer fire department is a bit more responsive.

Usually.

Changes

2008-03-07T11:22:00.003-05:00

I really do have to get more sleep. With everything that's going on in my life right now I'm finding that I get overly emotional when I short myself in the sleep department.

I also spend a lot more time evaluating my life and my relationships. Defining and redefining what I'm looking for.

Right now, my "list" of what I'm looking for in a man, is a blank slate. Is this a bad thing? I don't think so.

So what am I looking for? I figure I'll know when I find it.

And, as I said in the previous post, I just might have found what I'm looking for already. Only time will tell me if that's the case or not. Time and actually meeting the man. :)

Wants and Desires

2008-03-07T08:25:00.005-05:00

I'm a very sexual creature. I make no excuses for it. Sex is simply the single most important aspect of my life.

That said, I'll admit it's been too long since I last engaged in this activity. A series of events in my life is responsible for this. I find, as I tame these events, I'm focusing more and more on the missing element.

Over the last year, a new transformation has taken place in me as well. It hasn't lessened the importance of sex one bit, but it has thrown a wrench into my obtaining sufficient amounts. I find I'm looking for something more than sex these days.

Not that I wouldn't consider an affair to simply ease the need, temporarily. Nor would I rashly give up the friends I have that are more than friends. But behind all this, beyond all this, I am looking. I am keeping my eyes open, and my options unlimited.

The idea of one man that is right for me, that fills my days and nights with companionship, laughter and love. That fuels my desires, and makes me complete. This one man that I do not have a name or face for, is out there. I want him, as I've never wanted another.

And I may have already met him.

Rambling Verbiage

2008-03-06T19:04:00.002-05:00

Listening to Trapt right now, cooking Goulash (mom's version), and working on a new book. That's right, I'M WRITING. I do that daily, except for the past few weeks. Those of you that know me, understand.

Still trying to shake off the mega-sleep I had. Nearly seventeen hours, give or take a couple times I got up and did stuff then crashed again. Gives me an off-kilter feeling. Like something major happened while I was out, but I can't figure out, for the life of me, what it was.

I'm also wondering why it is that I keep meeting people over the internet, and they all know at least one other person I know. I find that strange, but if I had my head working, I'm sure it would make some kind of sense.

Steriogram just came on and I feel like dancing.

I'm Mental

2008-03-06T10:53:00.005-05:00

Everyone handles stress differently. I have to keep it safely tucked inside, or I'm out of control. This fact was recently reinforced when I let myself "share". I just don't know how to share the load, I either carry all of it, or it all comes flooding out.

The end result is never pretty.

What about you? Do you crack jokes, like I tend to do when I'm not "sharing"? Or are you able to talk about things that bother you without being insane about it?

The World is Mine!

2008-03-05T19:59:00.003-05:00

Yeah, I've got the urge to travel. Course I have to take care of some business here first, but come the end of May, my time is my own.

So I'm starting to do my planning on where the hell I'd like to go. What I'd like to see. What I'd like to do. Or maybe, who I'd like to do.

I've got an idea or two...

Feel free to offer suggestions. ;-)

That's Me?

2008-03-05T11:05:00.003-05:00

You ever look at your face in the mirror and suddenly you don't recognize yourself?

That happened to me a few months ago. I studied this new face in the mirror and I wondered exactly how I felt about it. I mean, it's me, but it's not. Somehow in the past year my face has changed enough to be noticable.

My face is narrower, my cheekbones stand out more, the fine lines around my eyes are more defined, and when I smile I don't look as innocent as I used to.

Hell, none of us can stop the passage of time, and quite frankly I wouldn't want to. I'm proud of the mileage and abuse this body has taken. I've been very active, both socially, and in the sports I chose to participate in, and I wouldn't give up a single scar I've earned along the way.

Still ... I look at myself in the mirror now, and I wonder who this new woman is.

Well, whoever she is, I think I like her. I know she's going to have a hell of a good time in the coming years.

I AM FUCKING REAL

2008-03-04T15:18:00.003-05:00

What the fuck is wrong with you people? Just because I live in a different country than you, just because I've never met you face to face, does not make me any less real than if I lived next door.

I don't treat you any differently. I interact with you just like I would any person I was interested in getting to know better. Our friendship / relationship / aquaintance doesn't end when I hit the power button.

So why do you feel differently? Why do you relegate me to "that computer girl" status? Treat me as though I have no emotions? We've talked about hopes and dreams, who we are, what makes us who we are, our beliefs, our likes and dislikes, and so much more.

And yet I'm not real to you. You walk away from your machine and I'm forgotten.

Do none of you consider that we're only a plane ride away from each other? Or are you so tied to where you live that you can't begin to imagine that someone else is not?

I honestly do not understand this way of thinking. And yet, once again, I've been slapped in the face by someone I thought was a friend.

Stupid? Or Stupid?

2008-03-03T03:03:00.004-05:00

What is with the quality of employees these days?

Yeah, this is probably a stupid post, but this is the third time this has happened, and I've got to ask WHY?

I'm talking about fast food restaurants.

Several months ago I was on my way home from work. Strung out from a really tough day on the job. Decided to go through the drive-through window at the Burger King not far from my house.

I ordered a plain cheeseburger. What I got was a plain hamburger, in a cheeseburger wrapper at a cheeseburger price. The girl that had taken my order had taken "plain" to the next level.

A month passed. This time I walked into a McDonalds and ordered an egg mcmuffin. Standard sandwich, right? Should have been real simple for the girl that took my order.

I got in the car, headed home, opened my bag, and found a sausage mcmuffin. Hell, I didn't even know they made those.

Last week, I tried again. An egg mcmuffin. This time, at a different McDonalds.

Once again I received a sausage mcmuffin.

I don't slur my words when I speak, I'm sure I don't. So why can't I get a freaking egg mcmuffin?

Does Size Matter?

2008-03-02T14:26:00.003-05:00

The general concensus is "yes".

I won't argue the statement, but I will argue the "ideal size". Bigger is not necessarily better.

Think about it ladies, your man has a jumbo cock. You take that bad boy into your mouth, your lips stretch tight around its girth, your facial muscles strain to accommodate the mass. Now say your man has a lot of control. Can keep himself from comming for a very long time.

Are you getting the picture?

Same holds true for anal sex, if you don't do it regularily.

And if you keep yourself in shape, then you'll know those really big cocks can be uncomfortable in your pussy. Especially if the man does not know how to deal with his size.

The easiest cocks to play with are the ones of average size. Enough girth to be noticed (and to cause enough friction to get both of you off). And long enough to rub the g-spot (which isn't all that far inside).

So yeah, my answer to the question is: size does matter.

Why?

2008-03-01T14:55:00.002-05:00

I'm in the middle of my weekend chores when BAM! my pussy clenches and a jolt of pleasure shoots through me. Horny now. Very horny. But WHY? It's not like I was thinking about sex. Not really. Not like I had anyone in mind...

Is it just me, or do other people have to stop whatever they're doing and take a mastubation break?

It's not like this is even an isolated incident. This happens three or four times a week, at least. This getting caught off guard stuff. The being horny is a pretty constant state for me.

Beginnings

2008-02-29T22:43:00.000-05:00

A man asks you out for the first date. You're all nervous and excited because you think he's hot. Your heart starts beating faster when he gets close and you wonder if he's going to kiss you.

Then he does. And the thrill shoots all the way to your toes.

Each new touch, every new intimacy flushes adrenalin into your system, makes you hyperaware of his hands, his mouth, his eyes, his scent.

Then you find yourself naked, flat on your back, or bent over the nearest available surface. You feel the head of his cock prod your opening and a flood of chemicals surge through your bloodstream.

He trusts, you counter, and soon he's buried inside of you for the very first time. Stretching you, filling you.

Solid. Real.

Your nipples tighten, a wash of fluid leaks out of your pussy, your breathing deepens.

Then he moves. Your bodies work together in an age old dance that takes you to places no other activity on earth can take you.

One day you wake up and realize the thrill is gone. The sex is good, even great, but that adrenalin dumping thrill has abandoned you.

And you want to feel it again.

Do you dump the guy and go on the hunt for a new one? Or do you throw yourself into the relationship you've got, and learn just how intense an orgasm can really be between two partners that know each other, and have an emotional investment?

Peace

2008-02-29T01:48:00.003-05:00

Odd, isn't it, how habits formed in childhood can have such a profound impact on our adult lives?

When I was growing up, I didn't really fit in well with my family. I was the odd one, the black sheep. They all had this idea that when you're hurt, emotionally, that you needed to be surrounded by family and participate in a game of cards or a board game to take your mind off the pain.

I found being around them intolerable at such times.

What I would do instead is go out into the back yard and lose myself in the trees. Let the dark of the night embrace me, soothe me with its gentle sounds. Hell, it got so I'd hit the tree line and peace would descend on me. Calm.

I could take a deep breath of fresh air and breathe out the hurt.

Now I'm on my own, have been for years, and still I seek the dark, the trees and the stars whenever I'm upset.

They ease my soul.

Spinning my Wheels

2008-02-28T22:25:00.000-05:00

I'm working around the house, tunes cranked. So I spend as much time dancing around as actually working. It's not going to cause the world to end.

Then, of course, a song will come on that I like, so I have to go over to iTunes and pick it up. You know how it goes.

So what's the point of this post? Does there have to be one?

The Answer Is...

2008-02-27T20:08:00.000-05:00

What are you nuts? I'm not telling you my biggest weakness. The one thing that's guaranteed to get you laid.

Especially not after Creepy confirmed that fucking on the first date disqualifies a woman.

But I will tell you that there is one thing that will totally make me lose my mind and all sense of decorum.

And it's not liquor.

WTF?

2008-02-26T23:59:00.000-05:00

So I'm trying the burned DVD's in my old laptops drive. What in the fuck is going on with this shit? I even updated the program I use to run them and the damn things just lock up the system.

Is this a Dell computer problem?

I've got one more thing to try, then I'm turning the whole fucked up situation over to the uber-geeks at the little local computer store.

If they can't fix the problem, no one can.

We're speaking the same language?

2008-02-25T16:35:00.000-05:00

One funny thing I've found out in my travels through cyberspace; not all English speaking people, speak the same language.

And here I thought it was just a local phenomenon.

Nope, it's planetwide.

Still, no matter where they're living now, I've yet to meet an Aussie I didn't get along with.

I have so got to visit that country.

Now sex, on the other hand, is a universal language. ;-)

Dating Rules?

2008-02-24T15:20:00.000-05:00

Some of my male friends have been trying to instill in me these so called "dating rules". Seems there's some unwritten law that applies to dating, but more importantly to establishing a relationship.

Such as:
Never fuck a guy until the fourth or fifth date.

As one of my friends put it; "Do you want to fuck him for a night? Or fuck him for a lifetime?" How the fuck should I know? And what is wrong with fucking a guy on the first or second date?

Okay, so I've never believed there was anything wrong with sex. Even sex with a man I barely know. While I understand the complications that can arise from bypassing all the "get to know you" stuff and jumping straight into the sack, I honestly can't understand why men would automatically disqualify you for the long haul because you did so.

Look, I love sex. I love all the varied and different adventures that go along with it. I love men. I love dressing up for them. I also have a brain, and a well developed, if dry sense of humor. But sex, for me, is the binding in a relationship. Not only does it feel fucking fantastic, but it's the only way that two people can express their love for each other without words. So if you're going to discount me because I'll sleep with you "too soon" then I think you're the one with the problem.

Just something for you to think about.

Train Travel

2008-02-23T12:41:00.002-05:00

Over the past several months I've run across all kinds of euphamisms for sex. One such discussion begged the question; Are you into the journey, or are you all about pulling into the station?

Frankly, I don't think the answer is that cut and dried.

Some days, it can take all day to even catch sight of the station. I might not be actively involved with my partner all day, but the tease is a wonderful thing. It can be as simple as a touch, or a look, but carried out over the course of the day can lead to a hell of climax when the destination is finally reached.

Other times I'm all for a quick bending over the nearest piece of furniture and a hard, fast fuck.

So my answer to the question would be "Both", and all the variables in between.

What about you? Are you into the journey, or just anxious to reach the station?

I Know I Am

2008-02-23T11:05:00.000-05:00

My dog loves cashews.

That doesn't have anything to do with this post, just thought I'd mention it.

So on to the meat of the matter.

I know I am. I know all these things about myself, and somewhere along the way I just figured that they would be apparent to everyone I met. That I wouldn't have to go into any detail about myself because they could just "see" what kind of woman I am. The depths of my personality.

I'd also convinced myself that those who didn't stick around long enough to find out about me, weren't worth it anyway.

I do believe I was wrong. I think now that getting to know other people is a give and take of information. Oddly, the men I'm most attracted to are a lot like me, in that they keep who they are under tight wraps and it takes forever to uncover the goods.

Whenever I've taken the time to do so, I've found a treasure well worth the effort.

Sony SUCKS

2008-02-22T23:49:00.000-05:00

Need to vent here. I bought a new laptop about six months ago. Didn't want the Windows Vista, so I had my local shop reformat the thing, put XP on it, and load all the software and drivers and all that I'd need.

Hasn't given me a bit of trouble, until I started watching movies on the DVD drive.

Piss me off. At first the thing worked fine, but as time passed, it quit "recognizing" burned DVD's. Then it quit "recognizing" new DVD's. Now I have to open and close the fucking thing a dozen times to get it to recognize ANY DVD's.

It's one of those Optiarc drives that NEC and Sony went together to build. I blame Sony for the problem. So far I haven't found a solution. Any and all suggestions are welcome here.

I should be ... but I'm not

2008-02-22T19:47:00.002-05:00

I'm just about to wrap up work for the evening. Yeah, I know it's a Friday night and I should be getting ready to go out, but things have changed for me over the last year.

With the most significant changes coming in the last few months. (Yes, this is a big clue to those of you that know me under a different name here in the blogosphere).

So many things in my life are changing that I needed another, less volitile outlet. That would be this blog. Haven't really found my pace yet, but I'll just keep working on it, until I do.

So yeah, if you think you know me, you probably do.

Sex

2008-02-22T18:13:00.000-05:00

Yes, you might say I'm a bit preoccupied with this subject. I blame it on the men I've been meeting IRL. Seriously, did I miss the memo that said people our age can't be adventerous? Can't try new things? Can't play with each other in public?

Can't tie me up and have your way with me?

These thoughts of mine are probably the reason the majority of conversations I have with men over the internet invaribly turn to sex. Some more directly than others.

I don't have any trouble telling all of you out there that I enjoy sex. That I have the capacity and libido to enjoy a lot of sex. Or that I'm adventurous in that department.

In fact, there are very few things that I won't consider trying with a partner, and I often find I enjoy all of them. Tremendously.

That said, I can also tell you that I won't settle for less from my partner. You want to just lie there and let me do all the work, all the time? Go out and hire a professional.

With both hands

2008-02-22T16:02:00.000-05:00

I've reached a stage in my life where I'm finding value more often in the people that I meet, than I used to. I don't wonder about this, I just consider it a part of maturing. Having learned, over the course of my life so far, that one shouldn't necessarily judge a book by its cover.

Unfortunately, I'm also finding that I become attached to these people faster too. I would have thought, having been kicked a few times, I would be more cautious about giving my heart away. Instead, I'm less cautious. Not so much with love, but with liking.

And this is with people I may never meet in real life.

Is this a stupid thing???

We Are Animals

2008-02-22T14:36:00.003-05:00

Can anyone out there explain to me why anyone would give up sex?

I sure as shit can't figure that one out. We're animals, underneath our oversized brains. We're constantly, if not consciously, checking out the opposite sex, for their potential as a lover.

Our bodies, even our minds react to the chemical attraction.

Granted, if the guy is a total ass, then the "turn on" is "turned off". But to say to yourself "I'm not having sex any more" is a concept I just do not understand.

Into the Deep End

2008-02-22T00:24:00.002-05:00

A couple of months ago my doctor gave me some news that changed my life.

Not in a big way, at least I didn't think it was a big way at the time, but in a fundamental way.

I can't share too many of the details here, because the people close to me know all about it, and I'm not ready yet to admit that I'm running this blog.

Suffice it to say that I went from a confident, outgoing woman, to a rather timid, uncertain female over the months following the news.

A friend of mine woke me up to that fact tonight.

Now that I see what has happened, I intend to do something about it.

Though I may never go back to being quite as intolerant as I was before (not a bad thing) I've certainly decided to grow my spine back.

But Seriously

2008-02-21T22:08:00.002-05:00

Yes, I have deeper thoughts than the ones I've let escape me so far here on this blog. I'm a very private person, and as such, I don't like parting with my inner thoughts and emotions.

I'm working on changing that ... some.

Until then, you're going to get pretty much anything that pops into my head. ;-)

Hair - No Hair?

2008-02-21T09:51:00.003-05:00

Men, and even ladies, if you so chose, which do you prefer in a woman's southern region?

1. Neatly trimmed.
2. Shaved bald.
3. Laser hair, total removal.
4. Laser hair, removal with a little something left behind.

Me? I'm having it all lasered off. In fact, I'm having the entire body (below the neck) pretty much lasered off.

Cutting off his nuts

2008-02-21T03:30:00.004-05:00

I used to work for a horse farm, not all that far from where I'm currently living. One day, when the vet was there, he was going to castrate one of the stallions. I'd never seen the procedure before, so I hung around to watch.

I swear to god he took a large tool that looked exactly like a lopper (the type you chop off tree branches with) and used that to cut the horses balls off.

I still remember the crunching sound.

Lately, I've had occasion to remember it, what with getting back into the dating pool after a rather lengthy hiatus. There has been more than one guy I imagined taking the loppers to. ;-)

Ha. I wonder how many of you guys crossed your legs at that.

Try some, it's good

2008-02-20T23:50:00.002-05:00

Women, Listen up!

Here's the secret to success with any man.

Blow him.

That's right, give your man a blow job. Often. And SWALLOW, for christ's sake.

Personally, I like the taste of cum, so I don't know what you all have a problem with here.

Me Naked

2008-02-19T08:14:00.003-05:00

Just read a blog post where the woman in question had never posed nude for pictures for her boyfriend.

Not all my bf's have asked me for pictures, but I've never turned down the ones that did. Why should I?

Really, for those of you that are hung up about stuff like this, let me tell you, there's a great freedom in letting your inhibitions go.

Try it, you'll like it. :)

Death

2008-02-17T19:15:00.003-05:00

I lost a very good friend last night.

Everyone handles loss differently, me? I'll cry a lot, hurt over the loss for a while, then eventually come to terms with it.

Though I should add "lethargic" to the mix of emotions. I don't know it it's because I was up until 8am, slept an hour, did that a couple times and finally got up for the day around 3pm.

Or because I just miss her.

Sleepless

2008-02-17T03:04:00.002-05:00

A simple fact of my life is that I communicate with people all over the planet. Some of this is because of my work, some is personal. Either way, I flat out don't get much sleep. Most of the time it doesn't bother me.

But every now and then I crash and burn. I'll sleep for fourteen hours straight and nothing short of nuclear detonation is going to wake me.

Haven't had one of those lately, so I just know it's coming up. Unfortunately, my next week is booked solid, so I'm hoping the Sandman stays the fuck away or I'll blow something that I really can't afford to blow. Oh my, I should have phrased that differently. :)

Strange is Good

2008-02-17T01:17:00.003-05:00

People are strange.

And yes, I'm one of the strange ones.

I think you'll find that you are too, if you're honest with yourself.

Nothing wrong with that. In fact, we should embrace our strangeness. Embrace the strangeness in others. (Provided they're not serial killers).

I certainly wouldn't be the person I am today, and I would have missed out on so many interesting situations, if I didn't find oddness interesting.

The only example that comes to mind right now is a time when my best friend and I had stopped into a Friendly's Ice Cream restaurant. We were seated across the aisle from a very curious elderly woman. She had a stack of tissue on her table a foot high, and a dozen empty cups, bowls, and boats on her table.

At one point she got up and went to the restroom.

Now my friend and I weren't paying particular attention to her, until she returned.

Evidently, she'd had an accident in the ladies. She loudly told the entire room about her diarreah and that fact she'd missed the toilet. She asked an employee first, then asked my friend and me repeatedly; "Can you smell me honey?"

I can't say I wanted to get to know this strange woman any better, but she sums up the type of things that always happened whenever my friend and I were together.

Needless to say, it was another interesting situation.

Me

2008-02-16T23:25:00.004-05:00

This is my blog. You don't like it here? Then fucking leave.

I'm a woman that is interested in everything, and everyone.

At first.

Time is the true test. And that's one of the reasons I'm here. I'm looking for others that can stand the test of time.

I'm over 35 guys, just so you know. I'm physically active, attractive, and very direct. Not much embarrasses me, but I do enjoy those that try to do so. I'm educated and articulate. Though I much prefer to throw manners to the wind, and roll around in the mud. Naked.

Anything else you want to know about me, ask. I'll reveal some things in this blog, but all the really interesting bits? I save those for more personal moments. ;-)